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Saturday, December 24, 2011

HOW TO ACE AN INTERNSHIP WITHOUT DOING ANYTHING MUCH :)


Okay, next sem aku nak pegi Latihan Industri.
tempat dah dpat. 
Sblum melangkah masuk ke alam pekerjaan ni, 
aku telah memantapkan diri aku dgn skill2 penting dlam dunia pekerjaan 
dapat dirumuskan ada 5 smua skali
skill2 ini akan menampakkan korg lah 
MANUSIA PALING RAJIN DLAM PEJABAT
*tapi padahal, korg lah pemakan gaji haram no 1 syarikat.
Hahaha :D

1. Banyakkan berjalan.

bila berjalan kehulu dan kehilir, org igt kau ni mesti sibuk
naik turun tangga syarikat kononnya jumpa boss, 
jumpa kerani, jumpa smua org lah sng citer.
tapi jalan tu jgn tangan kosong. 
letak lah file penuh kertas dan bwak planner sambil rushing2. 
org lain mesti igt kau pegi mesyuarat, padahal belari pegi mamak sbelah.
setiap 2 jam buat mcm ni, jgn setiap 30 minit kau nak buat mcm ni.
KANTOI LAH!

2. Cari mangsa / member borak.


Aku bagi korg tempoh seminggu, 
cari mangsa/member yg boleh kau boleh bwak borak.
aku rasa yg paling kuat pegi pantry tu lah yg paling kuat borak.
dah jumpa, bosan2 kau pegi tempat dia..
memula acah2 lah tanya psal kerja. pastuu meleret lah korg beborak.
klau ada org lain lalu, cuba lah selit bahasa2 kerja sikit.
mcm "meeting", "report", "bos kata", "drilling", "contractor"
paling kurang mesti 15-20 minit kau BURN begitu saja dgn tactic ni.

3. Meja Bersepah

pastikan meja korg mcm kena landa tsunami.
INGAT meja org sibuk, adalah meja yg bersepah!
lepak lah benda2 mcm pelan, checklist, surat2 penting.
kasi terbenam komik2 yg kau sorok bwah timbunan tu. 

4. Desktop komputer.

Bukak byk2 tab. tab wajib yg perlu ada:
i. kerja separuh siap kau
ii. laman web syarikat
iii. benda2 "research material" korg
tak kira mcm mana, tab dkat bwah tu kasi penuh dgn benda2 kerja je.
AMARAN:
*jgn bukak benda2 tak patut dkat opis, skrg byk opis sekat dan kawal ape korg tgk.
jgn bukak facebook dan kejadah smua tu. jaga nama UNIVERSITI.
UNITEN GENERATES PROFESSIONAL. IGT!
nak curi ayam pun biar kelihatan professional. hehe..
bwak lah blackberry atau iphone klau nak online.
berdoalah WIFI mamak sbelah sampai dkat tempat kau.

5. MUKA!


ini paling penting! THE THINKER POSE
muka biar ketat pandang screen komputer tu. 
INGAT! Org yg sibuk, takkan sengih2 dan senyum.
muka biar berkerut. walaupun korg pandang screen saver skali pun.
klau sape2 pkai specs tu, kasi spec tu sampai hujung hidung.
aku tak paham gak, tapi org tua slalu buat mcm tu.
nampak mcm rancak membaca + berfikir lah klau mcm tu..
kann ilmiah giteww.. ahaks!

selamat ber"internship" ya kawan2.
all the best and safety first bagi yg kena pegi site, mcm aku :P

Friday, September 16, 2011

Coming Soon Movie's Not To Miss


Lately, Hollywood are not making AWESOME2 movies..
sampai kan aku lebih rela spend money on tamil movies rather than English movies.
baru2 nie aku pegi tgk cerita MANKATHA

as usual, every Tamil movies takkan best klau hero dia tak stail!
Zass, Zub, KaPOOW, Dub, Dab
ofcoz the SPECIAL SOUND EFFECTS..
UNLOGICALLY AWESOME STUNTS
Out of 5 Stars i give 3.5.
Because nobody can beat RAJNIKANTH!

Tp jangan risau, Sifreddy telah menilik & dah nampak byk movies best nak kluar.

NO 10 Drive (Release Date: 15 Sep)


Slalu kita tgk Ryan Gosling nie hancurkan hati gadis2.
Tp terer ke dia pecahkan kepala abang2 gedang?
Tgk trailer mcm ya jer..
Action + Romance + Stunts
Sejak Fast5, rasanya takde lagi citer2 kreta tahun ni.
dah sampai waktu ada citer mcm nie..


NO 9 Warrior (22 Sep)

Korg pernah dgr psal MMA (Mix Martial Arts)
Dua fighter bertarung menggunakan ape shj jenis ilmu kuntau (lawan)
Muay Thai + Jujitsu, Karate + Juijitsu..
Pada aku, MMA IS THE REAL DEAL.
Klau korg tak familiar lagi, movie ni boleh bantu..

Klau Boxing ada filem ROCKY, MMA ada Warrior!
Dari Underdog menjadi Hero..

Fight Action + Conflicts + Adrenalin Injection
mmg filem Lelaki sejati (^^)b

No 8 Tower Heist (3 Nov)


Ben Stiller & Eddie Murphy.
Hmm, aku rasa klau diorg tak mampu buat korg pecah perut..
aku rasa baik tukar nama diorg jadi
Ben Laden & Eddie Guerrero
*atau tukar saja perut korg..



NO 7 Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1


Hahaha.. Okay2, its either you hate it or love it.
aku pun tak tau mcm mana aku bley sangkut dgn citer nie..
wlaupun aku benci kisah2 love triangles nie.
Bella pulak takde lah letup sgt. Pastu miang plak tu..
layan sana layan sini. MENCIK MAK TAU!
Hahaha.. tp nak buat mcm mana, dah sangkut.


HIDUP WOLF PACK! AUUUUM!!
Saya Team Jacob Oceyy :P

NO 6 Real Steel (13 Oct)


Ni Robot lawan Robot plak..
Hugh Jackman (Wolverine) train robot pastu masuk ring gaduh.
Bunyi mcm karut sikit, tp lagi logik dari Vampire & Warewolf lah kan. Heheee..

NO 5 Sherlock Holmes


Patut ker aku elaborate lagi? confirm2 mesti BEST!


NO 4 Immortals (11.11.11)


yg buat citer ni ada org yg sama buat 300.
so you know its worth spending money watching it 3D
Action mesti superb with all the blood popping out of the screen 8)


NO 3 Mission Impossible- Ghost Protocol (December)


Its been a while tak nampak Tom Cruise in action.
Fans Mission Impossible tak perlu ada reasons nak tgk movie ni
Mission Impossible mmg impossible klau tak tgk :)


NO 2 The Girl With The Dragon Tatoo


Critics says its a movie to watch (^^)b


NO 1 50/50


Seth Rogen promises that You will cry watching this..
he'll make you laugh in 2 ways.
one laugh until you cry or touched until you cry :)


So, Amacam? Mengancam tak?
sape2 nak usha movie2 ni skali halo2 lah saya ye..
Enjoy :)


Sunday, August 28, 2011

Keperluan Sewaktu Balik Beraya!


Raya datang LAGI!
Disini, Saya Muhammad Akmal atau nama manjew Fred (ish gedik)..
Ingin mengucapkan Selamat Hari Raya & Maaf Zahir Batin kepada semua yg mengenali diri.
Klau ada salah dan silap tu, tolong ye maafkan.
kita Kosong -Kosong! hehe..

Okay, bila balik kampung nie. akan ada time bila BOSAN menghantui diri!
yelah, klau geng meriam buluh tak balik kampung, 
dkat Astro pun takde citer best, pastu klau awek2 takde dtg beraya.. bosan pun dtg..

so nak elakkan benda2 ni berlaku. 
Jgn lupa 10 BARANG KEPERLUAN SEWAKTU DI KAMPUNG.

NO 1 : LAPTOP
yg ni penting! bosan2, kau bukak main PES!!
silap2, beratur bdak2 lain nak main PES skali. pastu kirim salam jelah dkat laptop kau..
satu kampung akan duk hurung laptop kau je. hahah.. 

NO 2: BROADBAND

Saya pengguna Maxis broadbang.. stakat ni okay lah kelajuan.
janji aku dpat bukak facebook. tgk live score. baca blog. stalk nenek aku dkat facebook sudah.
better dari takde langsung tenet kan.

NO 3: DOWNLOAD MOVIE BANYAK2!

sebelum kau balik kampung lagi pastikan dah download movie secukupnya..
gunakan sifir 3!
1 hari balik kampung = 3 movie
2 hari balik kampung = 6 movie

yelah, sekali pagi, sekali petang, sekali malam..cukup r tu..

NO 4: MAJALAH

aku dah prepare 2 magazine aku nak baca dkat kampung. 
Mens Health dgn FHM (For Him Magazine).
line clear aku bukak FHM, line tak clear bukak Mens Health.
FHM tu bukan buku lucah. tapi front page dia tak bley blah!
tak bley klau tak sexy! astagha.. 
p/s : KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK FHM :)
August Edition Jay Menon. Woot Woot! September Edition bosan!

NO 5: iPOD / iPHONE / TAB / PORTABLE DEVICE


okay, bayangkan kau TERPAKSA ikut mak kau beraya dkat rumah kawan dia.
mulut pok pek, ckap merepek repek, citer psal anak dia meletup letup.
telinga kau pun dah merah, 
dlam kepala kau plak dah bukak citer Final Destination : Mak Cik Pokpek Edition.
kau dah byangkan 20 cara mcm mana nak bunuh makcik nie.

dari pada kau terus menyiksa diri, ambik earphone sumbat. dgr lagu raya dkat Mp3.
hati tenang, takde yg terkorban. takpun kau main Angry Bird utk kali ke 28!

NO 6: HANDPHONE DGN TOP UP BYK!

bosan2, pegi HaloO2 member kau di Pakistan.
tapi klau takde kredit, kau hantor je HP kau pegi pakistan.
tak guna gak klau takde kredit..

NO 7: MERCUN

Mercun + Bakar tak bagi tau org = TERKEJUT BERUK!

Gua ckap sama lu, aku tak pernah rasa Happy selain dari tgk org 
Terkejut Beruk!
aku boleh gelak 1/2 jam tanpa henti ingat psal muka dia jer..
so nasihat aku bosan2, kau bakar mercun bola dlam rumah. tgk sape tecirit.
klau tau ada family yg ada sakit jantung, lemah semangat tak pyah lah zalim sgt kan..

NO 8: KAD

Bwak lah uno ka, kad terup ka.. tapi nasihat aku.
JGN BAWAK BALIK MONOPOLY / SAIDINA!
boleh buat gaduh!! Hahaha..
tgk video nie :-

NO 9: BANTAL

bosan sgt, tahap Professor punya. Hampa tidoq lagi baguih! 
haha..

NO 10: BUKU NAK STUDY (skema rama)

3 Ayat jer aku bagi: TAK PAYAH POYO!
ahaha.. cmon lah, mmg tak dpat lah nak study time raya. 
esok SPM pun takde sape nak study time raya.
Enjoy dulu puas2, kasi sronok dulu. baru bley focus nak study. 

Friday, August 26, 2011

JOKE: You Can Never Please A Women


A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only". 
Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. 

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. 
"We have 5 floors. 
Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. 
It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "ALL THE MEN ON THIS FLOOR ARE SHORT AND PLAIN." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.


The sign on the second floor reads: "ALL THE MEN HERE ARE SHORT AND HANDSOME."


Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up...

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "ALL THE MEN HERE ARE TALL AND PLAIN". They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. 



On the fourth floor, the sign says: "ALL THE MEN HERE ARE TALL AND HANSOME. THEY ARE RICH AND PERFECTLY BUILT".


The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: 

"THERE ARE NO MEN HERE. THIS FLOOR WAS BUILT ONLY TO PROVE THAT THERE IS NO WAY TO PLEASE A WOMAN!"


Malu sudah! Haha.. Its only a joke. BUT the joke can maybe be real.
Again, i only talk with facts and life experiences.
had been and had also seen things like this happen.
even my man Tupac was on the same page..


"it wouldnt work, because i was too nice?"
Hahaha, its like the same as for the guy going to a job interview and the company saying;
"You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for but we're not going to hire you. we will however use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we are going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. and if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, BUT still not you. In fact we will never hire you. but we will call you from time to time to complain about that scumbag that we hired"

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

BACK AGAIN


"IM BACK!"
Haha.. Last post adalah time 27 May.
Bukan saje2 tak nak update. tapi takde masa dan tenaga..
Sem lepas serious HECTIC!
nak makan pun berjalan, tido pun mimpi buat assignment -.-"
lega dah habes, tapi still CUAK2 skit. 
TEST MACHINE DESIGN! Argh!!


lebih kurang mcm ni lah gaya aku dalam exam hall.
dah lah duduk depan skali. 
lecturer duk sembang psal buka puasa lah, psal raya lah.
langsung tak hormat, dah nampak aku tak bley buat. 
ajak lah sembang skali.
Arghh, pedulikan lah benda2 tu smua. skrg waktu bersuka ria.
sedih2 nanti time nak dpat result r. 

skrg, one of my main focus adalah nak update blog nie dgn bahan BAYEK!
a few topics dah pun di fikirkan, so just nak sit down & write.
harap2 aku tak dpat penyakit *writer's block
penyakit dimana seseorg itu blank. tak reti mcm mana nak mengarang.
tak bahaya. just headbang kepala dkat dinding sampai lebam jer.
paling2 teruk pun jadi mcm ni jer..

takpe, hensem lagi..
See you all very2 soon! Papai..

Friday, May 27, 2011

Tips Moving On


L.O.V.E
apenda tu? klau kau tanya brader EMO ni depa kata.
"L: Lake of sorrows O: Ocean of tears V: Valley of death E: End of life"
WOW!

klau kau tanya brader2 PIMP/ Players pulak depa kata;
LOVE, Legs Open Very Easily
Astagha! 

Nat King Cole pulak kata;
L is for the way you look at me, O is for the only one I see
 V is very, very, extraordinary, E is even more than anyone that you adore!


LIKE LIKE LIKE :)

abg hati batu plak kata
LOVE is a four letter word. pfft!
kena dump nangis pulak. hahaha..
*hamboi, teruk bebenar

LOVE mmg best bro! Tapi yg buat seksa ni BREAK UPS.

Mcm mana kau nak get over dengan EX kau?
takkan sampai ke tua nak melarat kowt?
hidup lah dlam dunia realiti, kluar lah dari hidup drama filipina kau!

meh sini aku kongsi sikit pengalaman.
i know its hard after u've given "YOUR ALL", but u need to keep moving forward.
so starting with:

1. Berhenti fikir Ex kau tu TERBAIK dari ladang

Tolong lah, jangan lah buat perangai mcm Ex kau ni,
ciptaan tuhan yg paling sempurna. Takde orang yg lagi bagus dari dia.
korg break tu pun mesti ada sebab kan.
try buat list ttg keburukkan dia. 
dia kentut bau petai ke, taik lalat besar nak mampus ker.
klau tak cukup, panggil member2 kau kutuk dia. 
haha.. panggil member kau yg mulut paling lancang punya.
buat lah ape2 pun janji kau dapat bukak mata sikit, 
yg EX kau ni takdelah best mana pun. maybe ada yg lagi TERBAYEK!

2. JANGAN CONTACT DIA LAGI!

pada aku, ini lah tips yang PALING2 penting!
lepas dah break, kau MIA (missing in action) terus.
jangan contact langsung!
mungkin dulu korg pernah buat janji nak stay friends lah ape lah, 
kau buat janji manis "ill always be there for you, blaa blaa blaaa.."
JUST FORGET IT!
kenape? klau kau kau still stay contacts, kau mcm mintak jadi gila bayang utk BERBULAN dan tak terkejut, MUNGKIN BERTAHUN. klau panjang umur kau, mungking berabad.
akan datang on-again-off-again uncertainty.
so throw out her phone number, stop texting, unfriend from facebook.
bayangkan lah, klau kau dah try to move on n doing fine.
pastu one day, entah mana2 lelaki muka pelik ada dkat profile dia.
ape pulak kau rasa? pastu dia tukar relationship status

time tu lah kau menyesal tak ikut cakap aku.. Haha!

3. WORK OUT

Bila dah breakup nie, baru lah kau sedar yg masa kau rupanya BANYAK!
maybe kau tak tau ape nak buat dgn masa korg tu.
so aku cadangkan kau pergi gym atau jogging.
gym & taman permainan ni byk pompuan. pegi lah bercuci cuci mata :P
mana tau ada pulak yg kau berkenan dkat gym tu kan.. haha.
then, getting in shape pun boleh boost kau punya self- confidence
dan kau akan kelihatan TIP TOP utk First Date yg akan dtg :)

woot2! amoi jogging weyh, cepat kejar!! hehe..

4. AVOID LAH TEMPAT2 YG DIA SLALU LEPAK

klau kau dah tau, dia ni suka Tosai dkat Kayu Nasi Kandar Ampang,
tapi kau pun suka Mee Goreng Mamak dkat sana jugak.
aku recomend dgn kau, lupakan jelah Mee Goreng Mamak Kayu kau tu.
takut bukan mee yg kau telan, HATI yg kau telan.
kadang2 kena buat some small2 sacrifice's
but trust me, its just a small price to pay for peace of mind.
very2 awkward moments. sgt tak best!

5. TRASH THOSE LELEH2 MUSIC


andai dapat ku undur masa - AXL, taman rashidah utama - wings,
di ambang wati -Wings, heartless - Kanye West, That should be me - Justin Beaver,
dan sebagainya. TAPI LAGU YANG KORANG KENA JAUHI SAMA SEKALI:

CINTA TIGA SEGI!
Mail Lambung pun nanges lah dengar.
Break Ups dah lah menyedihkan, kau tambah pulak dgn lagu2 ni.
pastu sambil layan2 lagu2 nie kau teringat balik kisah2 suka duka korg.
sepatutnya kau cepat2 lupakan. byk lagi kerja lain yg korg nak buat.
tu ha, homework, mak mintak tolong, member ajak futsal, bapak suruh kemas kandang lembu.
 dari kau duk melayan perasaan. baik kau buat perkara2 berfaedah.

aku cadangkan EMINEM!

Puke, Bagpipes from Baghdad, Almost Famous, So Bad, and etc..
seriously lyrics dia boleh bagi strength.
kau igt kau F*cked Up, dia lagi F Up. haha..
lyrics dia bley buat kau jadi benci Ex kau.
& i think thats a good sign dalam moving on.



6. THROW EVERYTHING THAT REMINDS OF HER


Kad Raya, Kad Valentines, Teddy Bear bucuk, Love Letters, Text Messages,
gambar2 korg berdua. Smua buang. lagi cepat kau buang lagi cepat kau get over her.

tapi klau dia pernah hadiahkan kau handphone BB, boot Nike Mercurial ke
yg tu jgn jadi extremist sgt. tu kau simpan lah. hehe..

7. LEPAK DENGAN MEMBER2

masa korg couple dulu, kau abaikan member2 kau. 
psal setuju atau tidak, bercouple ni merompak masa korg.
dulu jadi "abang ade hal" . haha.. calling jer ada hal.
tapi skrg dah single, pegi lah reconnect balik dgn member2.
pada aku, gelak ketawa dgn member2 adalah moment paling best.
lupa kejap masalah dunia. 


8. GUNAKAN KEBEBASAN KAU & NIKMATI

freedom dari comitment. buat lah ape kau nak buat.
tak payah nak message2 24/7, kau nak tidor spanjang hari, 
kau nak tgk bola spanjang hari, ambik hobi2 baru..
buat benda2 yg kau tak bley buat masa couple
sentiasa jadi kan diri kau sibuk, takde masa nak pikir psal dia.

9. REMEMBER THOSE BAD TIMES

kalau kau teringat ttg good moments mesti lah kau nak pegi balik ke EX kau.
tapi klau kau igt bad moments, time dia curang ke, time dia membebel tak berenti seminggu,
time dia tumbuk kau sampai mata lebam. Hamboi! ganazzz..
mesti korg takde rasa nak balik semula.


hahaha.. Insyallah dgn cara2 nie and a lot of WILLPOWER!
korg akan berjaya move on. tapi klau dah jodoh tu, mmg tak kemana..
as hard as u chase / avoid, it will catch u some day :)

sekian sahaja technique move on aku.
pada mereka2 yg baru break up ingatlah kata2 pujangga abg aku 50 Cent.
"i was born alone, i die alone"
god brought u to this world with only yourself, that is what you only need in life.
GOOD LUCK (^^)b

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Footy Humour: Ronaldo, Alves, Drogba, Mascherano, Robben came from the same Football Academy



Cristiano Ronaldo


Didier Drogba


Borat.. Oppss sorry, its Mascherano the Rapist


Dani Alves


Jabulanni! NO! Thats Robben..

WONDER WHAT?!
everyone of them came from the same FOOTBALL ACADEMY!
 yup, they came from this one:


Errm, was that HOUSE?
Haha.. This is what they learned back in the days..
Let the rebungnya curved bamboo (direct translation from google)
Melentur buluh biar dari rebung nya. Ye dok? Haha..
omputeh mana ada peribahasa sedap2

But this one (rooney) is from a different school

WWF Wrestling Academy maybe :)